Reuters:

On the 5th of August 2002, the 58th RQS Stood up.

Just moments after Maj. Terry Johnson assumed command the unit was informed of a Direct Action Mission concerning one of our brethren being held against his will by a non-PJ. The Person being held was none other than Charlie. The location was a cold, dank, stale room. Charlie was confined to an isolation cell inthe middle of this room with the blinds drawn.

Two PJ's, Roberts and Debbs were inserted via MH-POV and were assisted by indigenous personnel who were easily bribed by the stunning good looks of the two rescue men. After idle chit chat and mild flirting, the inept individual granted access to the isolation cell where the TV was not left on for the poor individual inside fearing for his safety and sanity. Upon gaining access to the cell, SSgt's Roberts and Debbs swiftly breached the suitcase (Isolation Cell) where Charlie was being held captive amid a myriad of bras and panties.

Spending less than 1 min in the AO, SSgt's Roberts and Debbs performed a field assessment of the isolated individual and packaged him for an expedient extraction to the awaiting MH-POV. Charlie is currently undergoing repatriation briefings and enjoying the freedom denied him by his former captives. Charlie has put in leave papers for some well deserved R&R at one of the local Entertainment Facilities Las Vegas has....Who knows he might even make it to the Mustang Ranch.