That's right Boys and Girls,
I am looking for a little help here. I am out here at Kirtland, getting my crap together to put my package in so I can get into the pipeline. I made the mistake of putting a bid in on a house and called the now-ex to relay the good news. The resonse was, "I am not going to sit in the middle of the desert while you train for two years to rescue people, I am done, (click)" That was that. I am wrecked, but not jacked up. PT at the gym everyday, working on the MBA still, and sitting alone in the evening. Not sure if any of you have gone through this, but I am a little down and the impending holiday isn't brightening up the situation. A kind word from any of you would be appreciated. I respect those that have made it and those still working towards their dream. TE, if this is inappropriate for your boards, I apologize. This is one of my only outlets. I can't talk at work.

No problem...good luck...

Joel,

I can understand the stiuation you speak of. I am not sure of your whole situation but keep your head up and and remember what is important to you...family or goals?? Good luck!

My family is important. She doesn't want to be married to me and have to live anywhere but Louisiana. I said that I am serving out my time, and that I want to go further, and she freaked. I guess she thought I wasn't serious. This has been compounded by the fact that the house was what was keeping her from coming out here in the first place. I got the house, and lost anyway. She gave up on me, so my goals are all that is left. I hope you know I put my family before myself, I promise. She knew the deal, and fakingly supported me until I showed serious actions towards my goals. Then she up and quit.

BB

Just sent you a PM.

SN

joel...

life is short brother...i say this a lot because it is...we've all got stories...doc jones, the life of the party, beautiful wife and kids, always the right thing to say, true friend, i will forever be a better man because of him...i chatted with an old bud from goodbuddy airplane patch and asked "how's doc?"...well, doc died of a brain tumor that no one had diagnosed and there were no signs and it ain't frikkin fair at 40 years old...i'd have traded places with doc in a minute and still would today...

if you've searched your soul and it's over, then thank goodness you know now...life is short...embrace your passion for the mission, surround yourself with good/positive people and live your dream...peace...djh

Thoughts & prayers are with you my man. I got divorced while stationed there way back in '97. You'll make it through this storm, just hunker down. Not sure who's there now, but the chaplains were most helpful when I went through this.

Good luck.

I feel your pain. My wife out of the blue decided that she's not happy and handed me the divorce papers 2 weeks ago. It's weird, I was really concerned about how our lives would change with me going back in the Air Force, and almost scrapped the idea a while back.

She just took a lot of pressure off me, because now my decisions will basically only affect myself. Now it's reality check time, and to see if I honestly have a chance at making it.

Just remember..... problem arises, assess it, overcome it, and move on... I know it's tough in regards to love, but maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel.... and it's not the Wizard of Wig <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I guess that would be typical for women to give up so easy on marriage nowadays. But who can blame them? Being stuck at home with no one around would suck. I'm sure if you are that serious about becoming a PJ that you have already decided on this and must now stick with it. It's a huge decision and yes life is too short, but women are always going to be around so after you fulfill your goals you can settle down then. Also from what I've see is that (at least) AF girls go nuts over PJs, so I would think that having a long distance serious relationship as a PJ would be impossible or not even worth your time. Live the PJ life! You'll be good and much better in the long run and you'll never have to be upset in the future and look back and say...."Did I make the right decision with my life?" Stand strong guys.
Sorry about that Atombomb. I guess this is motivation to train even harder.

<small>[ December 17, 2003, 19:34: Message edited by: wizardflip ]</small>

Bayouboy

You probably do not want to hear from a female but here goes anyway! A little story first: Very good male friend of mine, Major AF. Wanted to fly jets, went to Texas, went all the way through flight school and was top 5 in his class, a week, a friggin week before graduation decides not to finish...why you ask? A female, I still can not believe he quit what he wanted so bad for a woman that didn't even end up being his wife. I personally feel that if you find a career that you love and makes you happy pursue it with force. I'm sure that my friend regrets that mistake, but now cant take it back. I hope you follow what make you happy. I also believe that their is not just one "love" in our lives, their will be other women, and if she loves you...she'll come back.

Good Luck.

BB,
According to what you said, she knew what the deal was. Maybe all this time she was hoping you wouldn't make it - or give up trying. Apparently, deep inside, she didn't really support you so, in my opinion, it's better for you this way. Of course, that's easy for me to say. I'm not the one losing a wife, but my take on finding a mate has always been: she's gonna know from the start what I'm all about - she can either love me for it and realize my dreams and goals with me or she can settle for something else. A buddy of mine gave up his one goal in school and ROTC - a pilot slot - for his girl 'cause she didn't want him "gone all the time and in any more danger than he had to be". He settled for an intel job and she ended up leaving him anyway. Man, I remember the day he told me - he was pretty upset, I was pretty pissed and it just sucked. I learned you should never give up your dreams for somebody else. In my opinion, a big part of love for someone is watching them achieve those dreams and being as much of a part of it as you can. Brother, don't give up - if it don't kill ya, it'll only make you stronger - and you aint gonna let this kill ya. Focus now on making yourself the best person you can be for your team, your country and whoever finds their way into your heart in the future. Dude, if I could come get you, I'd take ya home for Christmas with me - Grandma always has a place for one more at the table!

Everyone,
Thanks for the encouragement. I have been getting a lot of good advice, even though it hasn't been what I wanted to hear. It was what I needed to hear. I am going to take the break to get my head right, because the shop is closed, the pool is closed, and the flight for New Orleans is getting closer by the second. I will listen to the sage advice given. You are all the reason why I am going to crosstrain. I feel like a part of this community. It is a family, one that takes care of each newcomer as thought they were always there. It is the ability to take a moment out of your day to tell me something about how you feel about the situation that I appreciate more than you know. Of the three that made it through the initial training down at Robins, only two remain. I am here, and my bud is layed up with a bunch of injuries, awaiting the opportunity to complete training. I am going home to bring closure. I will get all the mixed-up feelings squared away, and I will come back even more focused and grateful for what I have rather than what I don't. I leave tomorrow night, and I promise I am taking all of you with me. Robp, thanks for the invite, but Mom, Dad, and the rest of the family only see me twice a year, and I want to make it count. Heartfelt thanks.

When I was going through training, my fiance asked me to quit after six months. I didn't listen to her and I made it through training. We got married when I finished and we're still together today. I did ST for almost eight years. I plan on going back someday, but she is not very receptive to the idea.

I left ST before Sept. 11, and I tell you that seeing what good the teams are doing is leaving as big a void in my life as my marriage fills. Personally, If she threatens you now, just like RObP's friend, I think things won't work out if you stick with her. I know another guy here at this base with the same story.

Good luck and when you get to the pipeline concentrate on that.

Given all the "bad" things that have happened regarding these posts...let me tell you that a successful marriage is possible. My wife has put up with my TDYs, jumps, fast-ropes, rappels, flights, field ops, dives, real world ops, etc...for 18 years and were still together...now, she goes to more places than I do (soon to change!), but the bottom line is finding a mate that understands your drive and devotion is important...if its important to you, and your spouse (or future spouse) doesn't understand, you have to re-think either your goals, or your relationship...both are important, and you'll settle on which one is more important...

Ideally you'll find a mate that supports you 100% and understands the risks you take are for the greater good...but, she has to know going in, what it means to be an operator...long hours, lots of TDYs, danger, etc...without that understanding, the relationship will surely fail...

TE,
I am glad to hear that you and missus have made it work. I am feeling better everyday, and I hope to get through this and get my head right before I look for another to share my time with. I think the idea of being with someone who doesn't have an appreciation for the military and the job I want was bound to cause problems. Mom and Dad saw the handwriting on the wall, but they didn't want to say anything. 18 years is something to be respected in today's society. My hat is off to you. I am now just going to focus on earning a spot in the pipeline and completing training. I think accomplishing a few things will help the healing process and make me a stable person when the time comes to move on. Much appreciated that you shared your story.

Along with what TE said, I remember when I read "That Other May Live" by Jack Brehm, how well his relationship with his family was even though so many others around him were falling apart. Like TE said, it CAN happen, so it's not hopeless. If you haven't read that book, I suggest you do. It not only chronicles some great missions and training, but also highlights how important it is having a family that supports you and the fact that a demanding career field such as this and a good family can coexist.

BayouBoy,

I guess my bottom line is your former wife couldn't handle what you were trying to do...there is nothing wrong with that, and I'm not blaming her (or you)...there are lots of spouses out there with the same outlook...they simply can't handle the fact that their spouse is constantly in danger, on call, and continually exposed to hazards that most other humans do not experience...unfortunately for you, it didn't work out...it seems to be decided at this point (if I'm wrong, so state)...what you need to do is move on and achieve your goal...its hard, it sucks, but that is what needs to happen...hopefully, you'll find the right person eventually and it will all work out.

Don't blame your former spouse...she, like you, is "doing what needs to be done"...if she can't handle it, its much better for it to happen now than sometime later...again, good luck and focus!

PM sent. A bit long but maybe it will help. MC

Your situation seems all to common in this and many other career fields in the military. I also have a family and understand the sacrifices that are made at both ends. My team had quite a few guys give up their dreams for their wives and girlfriends most of which are still unhappy. What I wanted to put out to you is make sure your head is where it needs to be when you begin your pipeline or you are just setting yourself up for potential failure. Good Luck

Hey, like TE said, good luck and stay focused. My wife puts up with all my deployments and flying and whatnot.

Look on the bright side: When you get home from deployments/TDYs, you don't have to find your house completely rearranged like I do EVERYTIME I GO!!

You, too?

Hehe... my now ex-wife and mother-in-law still come by and clean the house... up, not out fortunately.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am back from the break. Your words were helpful, in more ways than one. I spent the time wisely...doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Bourbon Street was great therapy, as was the real food. I am going back to do taxes in a couple of months, and to get some more treatment. Not so much alcohol, just the ability to be home was what I needed without knowing it. I am glad to hear that a lot of you make it work. I am going to take some time to get squared away before package time...August is coming fast. Thanks to all of you who took some time to write to me. I really hope that I can put faces with names at graduation here at Kirtland in the future.

BB,
Hey there fella, I went through a similar ordeal when I was in Kuwait. Was with a girl for 2 years was going to marry her and adopt her son and a week before the war started she left me. Strange thing was now on this deployment we ended up getting back together but I am much wiser that I won't let her control what I want to do in life because if she takes off again I'll be left alone and with a job I don't like. So I feel for ya and keep motivated. Hoo-yah.

LawDog,
I am sorry that you girl put you through those things. Here's what I know from behavior like that...if she got cold feet or just panicked then the situation is worth working, but if her attitude is not 100% better, then heartache is just a bad day away. I am divorced now and dating a very supportive woman. We go to the pool on weekends, and she even films some of the training to correct flaws in running form and swimming form (water polo player in college). I have seen the difference, and this woman acts a lot more like TE's bride. She is tolerant, accepting, supportive, and then overjoyed when I beat an old time or rep count. We work both ways in that category, because I have pushed her to take more responsibility at work and it was rewarded with a promotion and pay raise.

There is nothing wrong with loving a woman and her child, but I had to learn that no matter what I did I was not that child's father, and that some women once broken by a hateful man cannot be fixed. I hope your girl just got a little frazzled and has come back around and is on the same page. I went through enough foolishness for three people and I wouldn't want to wish the pain of having a child taken out of your life on anyone.

BB,
Oh yeah, my old lady's attitude is tons better. The problem was that she was in a prior abusive relationship and left which is good and typical of her cus she's tough like but the damage is still there in some respect. She had to stop looking at my career choices as me being selfish, rather than me deploying to save some money to take better care of her and make our future. I'm deployed right now trying to save cash to put myself through the police academy in CA. Once I get a gig, her, her kid, and me are set to start out on our life. And you're right, even if the kid isn't yours, it hurts like hell to lose them.
P.S. How's Kirtland? I'm supposed take the basic gunner course there when I get home and head off for retrain to gunner.

I love it here. PM me when you get to town if you need anything. I have the first round paid for, brother.

Glad to hear it's working out. Off to the pool.

Roger that BB, tango mike. Off to street for a 5 miler. Hoo-yah.